Middle School and Letting Go

This year Gabby started Middle School, 6^th grade or Junior High…however you want to see it. Big stuff, Right? 

She started on August 15^th, a Thursday. Her aide from elementary school, Mr. Williams, met her there and stayed until she told him to leave, which was after second period. He made Gabby show him where her classroom was, her locker, the gym etc.…. He told her, “Gabby, I don’t know this school, it’s your school, and you show me around.” He had sent me text stating that she was doing great and was getting the hang of getting around.

So, on the following Monday, I took her to school and on our drive (which is from West Roseville to Carmichael), I asked her a few questions.

“So Gabs, tell me again what class you have first?”

And she said “PE”.

“And what do you need to bring to PE again?”

“Just my binder”

“Do you need your locks?”

“No, no locks yet, they will tell us when we need our locks for our PE lockers”

“I forget, what room do you go to?”

“25.” 

AWESOME. She knows it all! So, I walk her up to the hallway that leads to the lockers, say bye and walk away with Lucy. Lucy and I get about halfway around the building and I tell her, I have to go back. Lucy can tell that I am crying and she asks if I am worried about Gabby and I tell her yes. I look down the long hallway and Gabby is standing at the end, almost to the hallway she needs to go down for her locker. She’s looking around, and then her shoulders pick up and she knows where she needs to go. We watch her put her stuff in her locker and we walk away.

There are teachers at the end of every hallway making sure kiddos are going where they need to go. I stop to talk to one but I was having a hard time through the tears. But he gets the gist of what I am worried about and calls over the principle. The principle is so nice and he walks Lucy and I back to his office, pulls up Gabby’s student file and says, “I’ll got check to make sure she is where she needs to be.” About 3 minutes pass and he walks in with 2 thumbs up and says she’s in room 25 listening to her PE teacher lecture. He reassured me that he had met with Mr. Williams last week and Mr. Williams was VERY confident that Gabby could handle this new transition. The principle then hands me a handful of Tootsie Roll Suckers and tells me to have one every time I am worried about her today and to remember that she can do this.

Of course she can. She knows what she is doing.  She’s got this.

I’m bursting with pride and happiness. And a little bit of shame that I doubted her abilities.

Picking her up was amazing. An aide walked out with her to let us know how great she did. She said, if she were I, she wouldn’t think twice about dropping her off. Gabby knows what she is doing, where she is going and what she needs to do. I thought my heart was going to burst open. Her and Gabby then rattled off names of all her friends in each class and lunch. AMAZING!

I high fived my girl and we headed off to pick up Lucy. Gabby ran into her 5^th grade teacher and Mrs. K hugged her and said, “Gabby I have missed you! You were my inspiration!”

Truth is, Gabby is my inspiration too.

It's been a year

… a year since we have last posted. A year of ups, downs, and changes.  And this blog is a place for us to share…. So we can learn from others and ourselves.  This post contains some pretty personal topics and strong language… So, read at your own will. 

I have been struggling with the balance of work and home life – and it leaves me tired and on edge. Andy is at home all day with the kiddos, which leaves him wanting adult conversation. We have been struggling in our partnership. So, we are working on some options and continue to make sure we are taking time for ourselves. Most importantly, we are focused on talking about things. You would think after three years, I would figure out this whole communication thing. We are focused on getting US back on track. We notice that our kiddos do better when we are doing better. Go figure!

Family update… we now have a Junior Higher! And Gabby is rockin' it! Lucy is in 5^th grade, Dylan in 3^rd and Trevor is in 2^nd.  Cody started Kindergarten at the same school as D & T. Evey will be starting her last year at Tricks Preschool. WHEW! In addition, T and C moved out of car seats and into booster seats and C & E are taking showers by themselves! Time, please slow down!

Milestones…. This summer we were deeply aware that it was the mark of Dylan now moving in a direction where he has been alive longer without Jen, than with her. And of course, since he is the oldest of the boys, that’s been true for Trevor and Cody even longer. The boys started an Art Grief Therapy group back in April. They go every other Tuesday and it gives them a place to talk about Jen and share. We are hopeful that the stories that Dylan and Trevor are sharing are creating memories for Cody. They seem to enjoy it and really look forward to it. And, Andy has met another Dad who lost his wife to cancer and Andy feels he’s been able to be of some support. I have no doubt he is.

This summer also brought along BIG conversations for me, Gabby and Lucy. One morning while Andy had the 4 littles at a birthday party, we were able to have a nice long conversation about body changes. I had had a few discussions with Andy, their pediatrician, and friends and felt I had a good plan. We talked a lot; we read books and had a small demo with grape juice and feminine products. TMI, right? Well, it has to be done! HA HA. Gabby was pretty focused and took away some key points of the conversation. Even though her body seems far off from ANY changes, I know that she will need more time to grasp all of it so it’ll be a lot of revisiting…. Which is fine since Lucy asks questions NON STOP.  After about 3 hours of talking, she grabbed her journal and wrote copious notes, making lists of what brands of deodorant, tampons and pads. It was sweet and she doesn’t seem embarrassed at all to ask any questions. SCORE! There's not many times I feel like I am rocking this parenting thing - but this day I felt on top of the world! 

About 6 weeks after the talk, Lucy ran a duathlon, and had been complaining of pain in her breast area. We noticed very small growth and decided this, paired with Gabby starting middle school was the perfect time to go bra shopping. Did I really just say that? So, yea, we have a middle schooler and 5th grader who wears bras! Again, time, please slow down!

We spent a lot of time at Grandma Betty and Papa's pool this summer and Dylan and Trevor learned to swim without their life vests! So Proud! And, Cody and Evey are SO close! 

Some other changes…our lab Annie, has come to live with us. She was staying with Gabby and Lucy’s father when we moved in with Andy and the boys. After 2 years of getting our routine down, I was ready to add her back into our mix and Andy was excited to also! She is doing great here!

We are busy with home projects…whole house fan, recessed lighting and adding new pictures. We are looking forward to painting room by room and some smaller projects.

About a week before school started, Andy and I found ourselves with a night alone and headed up to Tahoe. It was FANTASTIC and just what we needed. We erased some bad memories. We do that by going to a place that one of us has previously been and where had created a bad memory, for whatever reason, and create a great memory there together. We call it PIPE WRENCHING it. It’s a reference from Good Will Hunting. When Matt Damon’s character Will, is talking with Robin William’s character, Sean, about his dad giving him options when it came to a beating and he would pick the wrench.

Will: He used to just put a belt, a stick, and a wrench on the kitchen table and say, "Choose."

Sean: Well, I gotta go with the belt there.

Will: I used to go with the wrench.

Sean: Why?

Will: Cause fuck him, that' why.

We also created some amazing memories of our own. It was so wonderful to just be able to sit at talk. We had drinks at Fire & Ice, Pizza at Blue Dog Pizza and a fantastic breakfast at Beach Bear Café, overlooking the lake. We then hiked around and headed home via Truckee. We ate some more… at Bar American and had beers, bought fudge and headed home! It was PERFECT!

Here is to building memories, more time together and more time to blog!