127 hours

“You know, I've been thinking, everything is...just comes together. It's me. I chose this. I chose all of this. This rock...this rock has been waiting for me my entire life. It's entire life. Ever since it was a bit of meteorite a million, billion years ago. There in space. It's been waiting, to come here. Right, right here. I've been moving towards it my whole life. The minute I was born, every breath I've taken, every action has been leading me to this crack on the out surface.” Aron Ralston

127 Hours Movie Trailer

As Andy and I watched the movie, 127 Hours, about the hiker, Aron Ralston, who got his arm trapped and had to cut it off to escape, this line really stayed with me.  Andy and I believe our love is so great because we choose it. Everything in our past has lead us to this point and we choose to be together. We choose to love each other. There is nothing that binds us expect our desire to love each other. To show each other love, every minute of every day.

I’ve made mistakes in my past - big ones and small ones.

I’ve suffered unimaginable hurt by people who claimed to love me.

I’ve suffered from a grief so overwhelming, I have tried to will myself to stop breathing as I held my dad as he died from cancer.  

And, I have done monumental things…I gave birth to three amazing little human beings. I’ve slept nose to nose and held them close as I breathed them in. I gave them life.

I’ve accomplished many successful things in my professional life and met many life long goals.

And now I love beyond measure. In ways I have never known.

And I am, in return, loved beyond measure; in ways I have never known.

Andy is the one I choose. And it is hard to love in the midst of chaos and craziness. To not let others influence, affect or hurt our relationship. I choose him to love. It’s so powerful to know that. And to know that he chooses to love me back. We followed a lifetime of decisions that brought us to a place of undeniable love.

I stopped writing this a many months ago… it brought about so many emotions for me... Guilt, anger, sadness, hatred, hurt. 

After many, many months of reading books, counseling, connecting with family and writing letters, I am finally feeling a sense of peace and confidence. Peace that those who hurt me did so because they have problems, not because I do. Confidence that I can overcome and be the mother, sister, aunt, daughter, partner and friend I want to be. I will continue to move forward daily, changing moment by moment, honoring myself, admitting when I am wrong, asking for forgiveness and giving forgiveness. I will not let the past ruin my future. I will learn from it and move on.  I will even be grateful for it, because it has brought me here. I deserve all life has to give me, to be happy and loved. 




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